Sir Chistory: Guest Post

 Welcome to the future!

 Here is an old draft post that I found digitally lying around - looks like it's from July 2014 - coming up on a decade since I've delved into this. It's a nice little snapshot of a time long gone, before divorce, untimely deaths, and pandemic changed everything. 

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~~~~time~~travel~~~~

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Tally ho! Sir Chistory here, with more amazing discoveries from the World Wide Web.

Coconut oil for cuts and scrapes: When you are wounded and looking for Neosporin and can't find it, and someone says that coconut oil is good for cuts, you look it up. Because you don't believe it is quite the antibiotic you were looking for. It's supposed to help with healing things up nice, though. Once you kill the germs that were in the dirt that got into your wound.

First chicken eggs small: Because the first one we found in the straw of our nesting box area was small, maybe less than two inches long. Not that it wasn't incredibly exciting to get our first egg ever. Just checking to see if it was normal. It is.

Kids games for mobile sites: When they want to play a game on your phone and all you have are word games, a world geography test, and a tool to help you learn Morse Code, it's time to look for something that will work on a mobile site but doesn't require downloading an app. Didn't have much luck. Seems you need Flash or a larger pad-type device to get the games to look right and respond to you.

Nacho Libre: Because there were younger kids in the room and I wanted to make sure it wasn't rated R. Yes, I'm the no-fun aunt.

Merry Go Round of Addiction: Looked this up because it was one of the only terms I remembered from the Al-Anon literature I got from a friend many years ago. Someone in my life is involved with an addict and I was hoping to find something to help her understand how it all works. This kind of stuff helped me understand how my father's drinking affected my whole family.

Homocysteine: This was mentioned on the Folic Acid bottle. Apparently this mean old amino acid shows up in the blood when you have bad things like heart disease. Apparently if you monitor the levels of homocysteine and take things like Folic Acid with B vitamins to help it get converted into good things, you are more likely to be healthy in several ways. But since nobody can make money selling a fancy medicine to help with it, it doesn't get much press.

Written Kitten: It's actually Written? Kitten! and I wanted to see if it would work on my mobile phone. Unfortunately, I didn't see a kitten after I put in 100 fake words to test it. And I can't cut and paste from the page.

Pistachio Nut Shell Floor: Who wouldn't want a floor made of these smooth, almond-colored shells? It would be like getting a massage with every step. But nobody makes such a floor. Yet. :)

Kickstarter Recipe: Trying to find out why the world would pay thousands of dollars for a guy to make potato salad. Still baffled.

2048 score for win: While waiting for a concert to start, my friend introduced me to this evil time-sucking game. While my scores were still in the six thousand range, I decided to check to see how high they would have to get to be close to winning. I'm up to 15,900 now. No wins.

Fake egg for laying hens: When my mother was young, they would put a china egg in the nesting boxes to encourage the hens to lay - maybe. She doesn't remember the details. Other people do this with eggs made of various materials. By the way, you don't need this. The eggs come anyway.

State of Fear Crichton: I wanted to see if other people felt the same way about this book. They do. They don't love it. I'm sort of reading as an example of "how not to do it". But it gave me some stuff to talk about when I met a guy who had spent time in Antarctica. Whatever.

With what I most enjoy contented least: Someone must have mentioned this quotation, but I have no idea what the context was. It just sounds depressing now.

Sir Chistory Returns

I know it's a cheap excuse for writing, but I'm fascinated by my own curiosity.

Click OK to clear the following searches from history:

The Country Girl, Save the Tiger
Movies mentioned in a lunch-time quiz. Someone in them won an Oscar, and I'd never heard of them. Might be worth a try.


What you want the most
Looking for motivation here, and I found a couple of good ones. Got me all psyched up for the day. For doing things like writing in my blog and such. Aren't you thrilled and grateful?

Orange Juliis
Okay, so I spelled it wrong. That's the magic of the Internet search. You don't have to be right to get the recipe for your friend when she wants to make something like a drink she used to get at the mall.

Annoy a Tron Sound Module
This is for my ground-breaking new product that I can't tell you about yet. I was looking for a way to have random sounds come from a thing. I remembered that someone I worked with brought in a fun annoying toy that would make noises now and then, driving the victim crazy as they tried to find the source. This was after the search that got the name of the thing. I also found that sound modules are used for model train sounds.

Symbionese Liberation Army
Because Patty Hearst got involved with them. I have no idea how I got to that bit of information, but I had to look up this oddly named group. The name comes from symbiosis and it was formed by a guy who escaped from prison and somehow got a group together who thought it was okay to kill and kidnap people.

Davit
Yes, this is a valid word in WordFeud. It's a thing that lifts and lowers those lifeboats.

Tura Lura Lura
I wasn't sure how to spell it, but I wanted to hear this lullaby my mom used to sing. I found some YouTube videos and lyrics and all that.

Olympians Without a Country
Someone mentioned this at work and I got curious. I guess if something goes wrong with the IOC in their country, athletes can compete under the Olympic flag. Who knew? The other Olympics-related search was Macedonia after Brazil. This alphabetical order mystery came from the opening ceremonies. Turns out Macedonia is Bulgaria.

Free Tire Air Pump
We really needed air, and just for kicks, I thought I'd see if we could save a buck. The magical site freeairpump.com helped us find a place just down the road.

Feed a Cold
Because sometimes you can't remember: is it feed a cold or feed a fever? Can I justify eating a bunch of junk food when I'm sick, or am I supposed to be starving myself and only eating broth and water?

Sir Chistory

Every now and then, one must do some cleaning up. De-cluttering. Removing the trail.

Yes, it is time to clear the Search History.

Heat Miser
Because the Christmas special "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" was starting, and I had to see if it was the one with the Heat Miser. Which it wasn't. It's the one with the Burger Meister Meisterburger. The Heat Miser is in "The Year Without a Santa Claus", only the best Christmas special ever.

Container for Ice Melt
Because Mom suggested carrying some in the car, and it comes in a large plastic bag. I was interested in having a container that would not be eaten through by the mysterious salty stuff. I did find someone who made a shaker out of a plastic coffee can, but not much else. They had to use a second lid because the holes were too small in the first one and it cracked. Thrilling stuff.

Homemade Ice Cream
Now, here I was looking for a way to make ice cream in my own freezer. I found a nice description of a method using a small plastic bag inside a large one and doing a lot of shaking. This, or another one of those plastic coffee cans seems to be the way to go. But I need half-and-half. This is a one-of -these-days project. There were some nice suggestions for flavors that I want to try.

Tzatziki Sauce
I made some of this a while ago and I have some falafil in the fridge, so I was trying to remember what the main ingredient was. Was it sour cream? No, it's plain yogurt. That makes more sense. Unfortunately, I don't have fresh yogurt in the fridge, even though I did get a cucumber. Maybe tomorrow.

Walking Tall
Because I caught the last half of it and then it started again on TV. The first part seemed so different from the last half. I looked it up to see the story summaries. One was a description of the first part, and the other included the bits I'd already seen. I recommend the second half.

Need a Tutorial
I was sort of hoping someone would need a tutorial that sounded like I could make it for them.

Techniques By Day
This was a keyboard-swipe misinterpretation of "temperatures by day". I wanted to find the date of a cold snap early in the year for some reason. I knew it was in February.

Turkey Casserole with Green Chiles
I have a lot of turkey left over from Thanksgiving, and I got a can of green chiles at the new natural foods store near the library. I love a good green chile with turkey, so... But all of the recipes were for something like enchiladas, completely southwesty. Not casseroley. I ended up with turkey, green chiles, peas, egg noodles, onion, celery, cheddar cheese and spinach. Ugly stuff I would never serve to anyone else.

Guy Burt
I looked this guy up because I watched Bletchley Circle on Netflix. I liked it a lot, and I was hoping for more like it. Didn't find more awesome shows about smart women after the war.

Alamo
My sister used this as a word in Word Feud. I was looking for a non-proper use of alamo as a word. I didn't find one. How did she get away with this?

Telling Weather with Leeches
I was reading a book - okay, listening to it - and they mentioned this fascinating thing about a guy who had a system of leeches that would ring bells in case of a storm. You can't read about that without looking it up. It's for real. I so so want to try this some day.

Econoheat Square
Okay, so I was looking up how to warm up a claw-foot tub to see if there were any clever ideas out there. Someone suggested these things. It's like a square you hang on the wall or something. Or put under your tub.

Candy Crush Ruining Relationships
Maybe I was just a little annoyed at someone... I learned quite a bit about this fascinating game that I've never played. How it trolls people along with little nibbles of wins and then makes it impossible for a while so they get frustrated and buy stuff to win, even though the patient ones will win eventually anyway. What they are buying is still beyond me. A game isn't a game if you can buy your way through it.

The Difference is Mink
This phrase was driving me nuts for a couple of days. I must have heard "the difference is..." somewhere, and my brain filled in the end of it. I knew it was from an old advertisement, but I couldn't think what the product was. Turns out it was Mink Difference hair products. Awesome marketing. It must have been 30 years ago.

Bored yet?

Amps Watts Volts
To get the formula so I could figure out if a heater would be too much for the circuit.

Damon and Pithius
This was mentioned and I had to look it up because I had never heard of this pair. It's from Greek mythology. The name is Pythias. They were friends and Pythias was sentenced to death. Damon took his place while he went home to settle his affairs. When he didn't come back, Damon's neck was on the line. Pythias made it back at the last second, claiming he was delayed by pirates. The guy who was going to kill him was so impressed with this friendship that he let them both live. Quite the story. I think Pythias was lying.

People Flying in Squirrel Suits
Umm... somebody said something about this, and I was curious. What the heck is a squirrel suit? I guess it's a company that makes "wingsuits". Skydiving stuff.

Basel FC
We were looking up the soccer teams on the TV during the break in the pub quiz, to see where they were from. These guys are Swiss.

Former US Colony in Africa
This is from the quiz. It's Liberia. Since then, I have been able to remember where Liberia is, because now I know this bit of detail about it.

As much as I'm enjoying this, I need to end it somewhere. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed, but there is more.

For another day.

Hopeless - ?

I have no idea what it means.

I mean, I know what the word means, but why is it on this billboard? Was I meant to see it? What am I supposed to do with it? How many other people are looking at it and wondering? I can only imagine that there is more to come - I hope so. Ha.

Well, it did this. Got me to write something. So clearly I am the opposite of hopeless.

Today I tried to get photos off my new phone for the first time. I tried a couple of different things, and ended up with a few folders of pictures I could have sworn I deleted. Finally, I triggered the automatic download thingy and suddenly there were 2500 photos being transferred to my computer.

Yes, it is a new phone. But that SD card has been with me for oh, about three years. And I saw my life passing before my eyes. Literally. I was seeing pictures of my husband, fireworks, mountains, pumpkins, lakes, the kids, snow, sci-fi geeks, horses, the garden... flashing by in a fascinating representation of my life and the things I focus on.

 Nothing is more interesting than your own life. I wanted to write it down but I couldn't stop watching this speedy film-strip of moments that made me smile. The garden growing from nothing to a jungle, my husband changing from a truck-driver to a rancher. Kids growing up, seasons changing, I knew it was fast, but this was even faster.

And there are so many varied things, all tossed together in the mix, all flickering by as part of a whole that is somehow made complete by the way it is never the same.

How many moments in there might have felt hopeless? I don't remember. I didn't take pictures of them.

But here's what I do remember: that feeling doesn't last. Things keep changing, and as long as they do, there is always a chance for hope.

Digital Immortality or Bust!

Ugh. That title is awful.

But here I am, struggling with the knowledge that if I died today, half of who I am would be obliterated - by neglect or by expiration, by a kid needing a computer, by nobody else being aware of who I am online. I have become: a patient and encouraging adviser on Yahoo! Answers, an overwhelmed yet courageous step-mom on a stepmothers' site, and a blogger who struggles to understand motivation. A virtual life that will just disappear, perhaps staying suspended in time for a while as long as the memory is available for old posts and accounts aren't updated.

That's not even going into all the files on my computer that someone would blow away without reading any of it. All of those things I consider precious and important - most likely treated like clutter and trash.

Thus the quest for digital immortality. The need to plant a flag that says "I was here!" And put neon signs on that flag so my husband can find it.

I've recently learned about the "digital  executor". This is the person who is saddled with the responsibility of handling the digital accounts and assets of a deceased person. Closing out e-mail and Facebook accounts, making sure the right people are notified of your demise, making sure your data and passwords get into the right hands. This is a fascinating topic to me, a dramatic change in how we view assets and inheritance. You might inherit a flash drive and a password instead of a business and a bank account. How bizarre is that?

What will happen to all of my pictures, videos, novels, notes, and songs? How do I even start to define what gets saved and what gets lost? Who will ever care?

Who will ever care?

Goodbye, DVR

Goodbye, DVR.
Goodbye, Blue Crush and The Lorax and Repo Men and Classical Stretch.
Goodbye, Bachelor, Suburgatory, Modern Family...
Goodbye to all the shows I have been inexplicably drawn to: Say Yes to the Dress, Cheaters, Hoarders, and all those Lifetime movies.

Hello, moment of panic.

Hello, facing reality.
Hello, future.

Hello, getting what I really want.

For years, I have been filling these notebooks with thoughts, dreams, poems and songs, comments, lists, self-analysis, complaints, and stories.

It's time to do more.

It's time to risk.    I don't want to risk; I like safety and security and control. But I want what could happen if I do this. I want the dream. I'll take a partial half-dream over no dream. Whatever I can get. My guts are telling me to GO.

So, goodbye distractions. Hello me.

A Compendium of Me

Out by the river there is a big old tree with a big old rope hanging from it. The river is not close enough to swing out to it this time of year. You can see where the water ran through the area in the spring and summer, making channels and feeding the Russian olives. These places were almost impossible to reach in the fall, weeds growing wild and thick.

The winter has been so mild that I can visit them now. Much of the river is iced over, but water still flows beneath. I found the place where it emerges and studied the edges of ice. It was nice to explore, wonderful to have good weather for it.

So boring for you, but priceless to me.

Here are the things on my mind:

Blood types:

Recently my husband was reading something about tailoring your diet to match your blood type. We learned something: I don't know my blood type and I have no medical records telling me what it is. Given that I'm not sick too often, I was able to look through just about everything.

Seems like someone should have told me somewhere along the way. I can only assume that I have one of the most common types or it would have been brought to my attention. But it makes me wonder. Am I supposed to know this? Does everyone else know their blood type like they know their phone number?

I'm pretty sure finding out involves needles and my sneaky hidden veins, so this one is going on the back burner for now. Maybe I'll ask about it at my annual checkup.

Job change:

When he isn't reading about interesting food/body connections, Hubby is mostly working. He recently moved into a position he has been wanting to try out for quite a while. Something that is possibly safer than driving trucks at night on muddy roads near cliffs. Something that lets him use more of his fabulous brains and awesome voice. I'm so proud and happy for him. :)

Procrastination:

Lately, I've been putting off much more important things than usual. Procrastination is still just a hobby for me, it doesn't pay enough to claim on my taxes. But it's like a natural talent, I'm so good at it. It's quite possible I've developed it into an art form.

Like I said, I've expanded into greater, life-changing procrastinations. Tonight I am putting off contacting a potential novel reader - once again. This will keep me from ever reaching my goal of being a published novelist. I'm sure there is some subconscious reason for it, some fear of success, maybe. Ha. Ha ha. Eek.

Identity:

And then we come to the last topic of the day. Specifically, my identity. Or rather, my identity online. Hearing that folks are Googling new authors while they consider their work for publication got me interested in creating a central information point for all things me. A melting pot of me-ness. A me compendium. But here is the problem: who am I? How do you look professional while also looking like you are a mish-mash of random interests and experiences?

There must be a way. I need to think about it.