It seemed a bit extravagent to pay a day's admission for barely enough time to drive out to Antelope Island and back before the gate closed, but in the end it was priceless. It was beautiful, and eerie, and amazing. We were there in that moment of in-between, the twilight of everything - surrounded by water and fog and silence and wonder. My sister and I kept stopping and getting out, looking and feeling, experiencing this surreal span of time and road stretching across water. Unforgettable.I didn't realize how much time had passed - I was surprised that the last post was just before I took the job that I've been at for the last seven months. A job I've been happy to have, that has brought me back into using the skills I prefer to use, that has introduced me to some kind and admirable people.
My sister's visit was in November, and I still have to send her the pictures. It isn't any faster than when I had to wait to get them developed when I finished the roll... This was a big event for me, since nobody from my family had come out west for maybe three years, and it had been nine or ten years since she herself had visited. I desperately wanted to share my new home, my new experiences. I hadn't realized how important it was until it was there, and it did me a lot of good. I hope the next visit doesn't take so long.
I have felt lately that I am entering a new phase of life. I find myself wanting to be free of the things I have held onto for so long. After the last move, into my new apartment, I began to feel less attached to the old things, and I started to feel like it was time to move on. I want to create a new environment for myself, one that is more future-oriented, relaxing, and inspiring. It's not something that I'm used to feeling, or that I know how to execute properly - somehow getting rid of things seems like the most complicated process: I try selling something online and nobody shows up to get it. I have to save things off my old computer before I can give it away. I need to pack up books to get them to neices and nephews. As you can see, this is not moving along as quickly as my impatient self wants it to, because it isn't on my calendar. I need a better plan. I'll do it later.
One more thing that is on my mind lately: the fact that it is looking very much like I will not be heading down that well-worn path to motherhood and everything that goes with it. I have developed a curiosity about the alternatives: what makes life worth living when you don't have children to be concerned about, can the bond with a child that isn't one's own be equivalent, is there something that I can offer the world that will be valued despite my childlessness? Because it seems that way sometimes, like as a woman you are something strange if you do not have children, if you have not at least tried to have one, if you don't want to have them. Though there must be a lot of childless women, they aren't getting a lot of attention.
I think I am looking for a path made by those who have gone before. A path like that narrow strip of road stretching across the water - leading through fog and wonder into the future.
