Remember that thing I said about extra time?
I was talking with my friend the other day about this Law of Attraction stuff: she said that part of it is journaling as if you are experiencing a positive outcome to whatever is going on. I found this very interesting, since my journaling usually consists of a long list of everything that is going wrong. My philosophy was that this way I was spilling it all out onto paper and I could then let it go and move on. Could the opposite really work?
So I gave it a shot, not so sure that I could keep the pen moving with positive things when it was so used to being powered by negative energy. I started slow, finding that the argument I had just had with my husband was the perfect test. The trickiest part of this is that you are really supposed to believe the positive stuff, so it can't be too crazy. I imagined a scene where our problems were resolved in a realistic way and I wrote it down. Then I wrote a clever inner dialogue where I argued the merits of this method - technically, this probably should cancel out the earnestness of my effort, but these things happen in my journal.
While it wasn't perfect and I can't say it followed my scene like a script, the reality of what happened with my husband later pretty much followed the spirit of the journaling. Is it coincidence? Is it the law of attraction? Is it the fact that I chose a pretty decent husband? Maybe all three. But one thing I know is that I was more open to a positive interaction and less defensive and argumentative, and that in itself will keep things from going bad. Take from it what you like.
So if this really works, and I was writing about wishing I had more time... did I Law of Attraction myself out of a job? Look, extra time I wasn't expecting.
Yes, I got the boot. The swift and sudden didn't-see-it-coming boot that escorts you out of the building and leaves you in shock. So I attracted myself into unemployment, scrambling to put together a description of what I had been working on over the last three and a half years. Feeling the lowest I have in a long long time. I would not wish this on anyone. I was in my supervisor's office with the HR lady and all I could think of was Up in the Air (- the movie. See it if you haven't.) She actually told me that this could be a good thing, a chance to move on to something else. Woohoo! Thanks for that.
By the way, you can't just get over the shock and awe by getting your resume together and starting to find job listings. Tried it. Pulled out the old job search stuff, updated online accounts, added my new skills to the resume... and found myself crying in the car on the way home from the store.
I found a little perspective when my sister called to say that her husband has a large mass growing on his kidney. Perspective, but not confidence.
Was it me? Was it the economy and a budget that wouldn't budge? Was it fate? Is it really an opportunity to make a change for the better? That would be nice. I honestly hope so. I feel like I'm living on a fine line - a couple of months will make or break us financially. I'd better get started on that journaling.
