Saturday, March 10, 2012

Goodbye, DVR

Goodbye, DVR.
Goodbye, Blue Crush and The Lorax and Repo Men and Classical Stretch.
Goodbye, Bachelor, Suburgatory, Modern Family...
Goodbye to all the shows I have been inexplicably drawn to: Say Yes to the Dress, Cheaters, Hoarders, and all those Lifetime movies.

Hello, moment of panic.

Hello, facing reality.
Hello, future.

Hello, getting what I really want.

For years, I have been filling these notebooks with thoughts, dreams, poems and songs, comments, lists, self-analysis, complaints, and stories.

It's time to do more.

It's time to risk.    I don't want to risk; I like safety and security and control. But I want what could happen if I do this. I want the dream. I'll take a partial half-dream over no dream. Whatever I can get. My guts are telling me to GO.

So, goodbye distractions. Hello me.


Friday, March 2, 2012

A Compendium of Me

Out by the river there is a big old tree with a big old rope hanging from it. The river is not close enough to swing out to it this time of year. You can see where the water ran through the area in the spring and summer, making channels and feeding the Russian olives. These places were almost impossible to reach in the fall, weeds growing wild and thick.

The winter has been so mild that I can visit them now. Much of the river is iced over, but water still flows beneath. I found the place where it emerges and studied the edges of ice. It was nice to explore, wonderful to have good weather for it.

So boring for you, but priceless to me.

Here are the things on my mind:

Blood types:

Recently my husband was reading something about tailoring your diet to match your blood type. We learned something: I don't know my blood type and I have no medical records telling me what it is. Given that I'm not sick too often, I was able to look through just about everything.

Seems like someone should have told me somewhere along the way. I can only assume that I have one of the most common types or it would have been brought to my attention. But it makes me wonder. Am I supposed to know this? Does everyone else know their blood type like they know their phone number?

I'm pretty sure finding out involves needles and my sneaky hidden veins, so this one is going on the back burner for now. Maybe I'll ask about it at my annual checkup.

Job change:

When he isn't reading about interesting food/body connections, Hubby is mostly working. He recently moved into a position he has been wanting to try out for quite a while. Something that is possibly safer than driving trucks at night on muddy roads near cliffs. Something that lets him use more of his fabulous brains and awesome voice. I'm so proud and happy for him. :)

Procrastination:

Lately, I've been putting off much more important things than usual. Procrastination is still just a hobby for me, it doesn't pay enough to claim on my taxes. But it's like a natural talent, I'm so good at it. It's quite possible I've developed it into an art form.

Like I said, I've expanded into greater, life-changing procrastinations. Tonight I am putting off contacting a potential novel reader - once again. This will keep me from ever reaching my goal of being a published novelist. I'm sure there is some subconscious reason for it, some fear of success, maybe. Ha. Ha ha. Eek.

Identity:

And then we come to the last topic of the day. Specifically, my identity. Or rather, my identity online. Hearing that folks are Googling new authors while they consider their work for publication got me interested in creating a central information point for all things me. A melting pot of me-ness. A me compendium. But here is the problem: who am I? How do you look professional while also looking like you are a mish-mash of random interests and experiences?

There must be a way. I need to think about it.