Digital Immortality or Bust!

Ugh. That title is awful.

But here I am, struggling with the knowledge that if I died today, half of who I am would be obliterated - by neglect or by expiration, by a kid needing a computer, by nobody else being aware of who I am online. I have become: a patient and encouraging adviser on Yahoo! Answers, an overwhelmed yet courageous step-mom on a stepmothers' site, and a blogger who struggles to understand motivation. A virtual life that will just disappear, perhaps staying suspended in time for a while as long as the memory is available for old posts and accounts aren't updated.

That's not even going into all the files on my computer that someone would blow away without reading any of it. All of those things I consider precious and important - most likely treated like clutter and trash.

Thus the quest for digital immortality. The need to plant a flag that says "I was here!" And put neon signs on that flag so my husband can find it.

I've recently learned about the "digital  executor". This is the person who is saddled with the responsibility of handling the digital accounts and assets of a deceased person. Closing out e-mail and Facebook accounts, making sure the right people are notified of your demise, making sure your data and passwords get into the right hands. This is a fascinating topic to me, a dramatic change in how we view assets and inheritance. You might inherit a flash drive and a password instead of a business and a bank account. How bizarre is that?

What will happen to all of my pictures, videos, novels, notes, and songs? How do I even start to define what gets saved and what gets lost? Who will ever care?

Who will ever care?

Goodbye, DVR

Goodbye, DVR.
Goodbye, Blue Crush and The Lorax and Repo Men and Classical Stretch.
Goodbye, Bachelor, Suburgatory, Modern Family...
Goodbye to all the shows I have been inexplicably drawn to: Say Yes to the Dress, Cheaters, Hoarders, and all those Lifetime movies.

Hello, moment of panic.

Hello, facing reality.
Hello, future.

Hello, getting what I really want.

For years, I have been filling these notebooks with thoughts, dreams, poems and songs, comments, lists, self-analysis, complaints, and stories.

It's time to do more.

It's time to risk.    I don't want to risk; I like safety and security and control. But I want what could happen if I do this. I want the dream. I'll take a partial half-dream over no dream. Whatever I can get. My guts are telling me to GO.

So, goodbye distractions. Hello me.

A Compendium of Me

Out by the river there is a big old tree with a big old rope hanging from it. The river is not close enough to swing out to it this time of year. You can see where the water ran through the area in the spring and summer, making channels and feeding the Russian olives. These places were almost impossible to reach in the fall, weeds growing wild and thick.

The winter has been so mild that I can visit them now. Much of the river is iced over, but water still flows beneath. I found the place where it emerges and studied the edges of ice. It was nice to explore, wonderful to have good weather for it.

So boring for you, but priceless to me.

Here are the things on my mind:

Blood types:

Recently my husband was reading something about tailoring your diet to match your blood type. We learned something: I don't know my blood type and I have no medical records telling me what it is. Given that I'm not sick too often, I was able to look through just about everything.

Seems like someone should have told me somewhere along the way. I can only assume that I have one of the most common types or it would have been brought to my attention. But it makes me wonder. Am I supposed to know this? Does everyone else know their blood type like they know their phone number?

I'm pretty sure finding out involves needles and my sneaky hidden veins, so this one is going on the back burner for now. Maybe I'll ask about it at my annual checkup.

Job change:

When he isn't reading about interesting food/body connections, Hubby is mostly working. He recently moved into a position he has been wanting to try out for quite a while. Something that is possibly safer than driving trucks at night on muddy roads near cliffs. Something that lets him use more of his fabulous brains and awesome voice. I'm so proud and happy for him. :)

Procrastination:

Lately, I've been putting off much more important things than usual. Procrastination is still just a hobby for me, it doesn't pay enough to claim on my taxes. But it's like a natural talent, I'm so good at it. It's quite possible I've developed it into an art form.

Like I said, I've expanded into greater, life-changing procrastinations. Tonight I am putting off contacting a potential novel reader - once again. This will keep me from ever reaching my goal of being a published novelist. I'm sure there is some subconscious reason for it, some fear of success, maybe. Ha. Ha ha. Eek.

Identity:

And then we come to the last topic of the day. Specifically, my identity. Or rather, my identity online. Hearing that folks are Googling new authors while they consider their work for publication got me interested in creating a central information point for all things me. A melting pot of me-ness. A me compendium. But here is the problem: who am I? How do you look professional while also looking like you are a mish-mash of random interests and experiences?

There must be a way. I need to think about it.

I Ham What I Ham

Oh, I forgot what I was going to write about.

I really did have an idea, then I saw that November post and it distracted me.

Now I'm totally distracted trying to find a picture I want to make into a poster.

It was on the backup of Laptop 1 which was in a folder on Desktop 2 and I had to get it through the network onto Laptop 2. I'm calling it Desktop 2 because it is the second desktop computer I ever owned, sadly becoming obselete in a world of gigaRAM and tablets. Laptop 1 still powers up, but it doesn't have the guts that got spewed into the backup. In fact, it was a backup that did it in. Sad story, and it has never quite been the same. Heavy son of a gun. Lasted some 7 years as top dog laptop before I forked over somewhat less money for something that makes it cry in a lonely corner.

Cross that one off the list. Image file ready for printing. Another dream about to be realized.

Now if I could just remember what I was going to spout off on here. Was I going to say I am now a Ham? (Do a little giddy geek dance here to capture the feeling.)

Was I going to say how proud I am of myself? (Smile uncontrollably here.)

How glad I am to see the sun? How surprised I am at the number of photos I have hidden away in boxes? How hard it is to come up with things to write about?

What I want to do is this: start a blog called How I Became a Ham. The thing about it is, it won't be about studying about repeaters and FCC regulations and ohms and amperes. It will be about me, any little old thing about me that led up to this day in my life. Because I'm sure it all was needed to make me become a Ham. It's incredibly selfish and interesting, because I've led an interesting life. Not a sordid one. Not too sordid. Not most of it.

And it would feed into my need to be known. To be shared. Like a network folder between my computers. Only you would be the laptop grabbing information from me, the desktop. And I would be creating files for you to grab. You wouldn't know what was next. Or rather, what had already happened. Before. Before I became. A Ham.

Awesome. I'm sure nobody will see it, just like this one.