Starting to feel the Mrs.

So this is the bouquet: You go to the flower place and there are all these different kinds of flowers and as you stand there looking around you know that there are some you really don't like and some you really do like. Your wedding coordinator picks up big bunches of things you like and holds them together like they are a giant bouquet. You realize that lilies don't play well with others. You pick a few things, she picks some fillers. You have no idea what it will really look like. You watch her cut a big chunk out of the fabric from your wedding dress - the train you had shortened. On your wedding day, you see the final product, and realize that real flowers are really kind of heavy. You carry it around and sometimes smell it, and you don't even notice much about it because it is just right.

I have very few pictures that I actually took on my wedding day. This was with my cell phone, for my sister who couldn't be there. We have a mish-mash of blurry video, over-exposed photos, and very special hand-drawn pictures and notes that some people filled in on our personalized guest-book/scrapbook pages. It's awesome.

And I'm not kidding. There's something very... fitting? about these things not being perfect. That's the way our lives are. I love that his son called him a "horn-dog" and the two oldest ones said to buy them cars under Advice for the Newlyweds. I think it's amusing that we have a really good video of the back of my cousin's head. And some of the photos are actually pretty good - especially when you use Picasa's face finder and you can see all the expressions of each individual. I love the picture of all of our friends that are in the meetin.org group that was the reason we met. This great group of people who have very little in common but the guts to go out and do things with strangers. I love the memories of the sunny day that made outdoor pictures possible (and over-exposed), and the way we stayed until everyone was gone instead of taking off like you're supposed to.

I totally recommend hiring a wedding coordinator/decorator/caterer like I had. She made everything easier and did an amazing job - within our budget.

And I have the best husband ever! We left home today at the same time, going different directions starting at the expressway. Both of us got stopped at the intersection, he in the left turn lane and me waiting to make a right. I looked over at his car, wondering if he was looking at me. His window rolled down and he blew me a kiss!

Why I Like People Today:

Because despite the fall turning to winter, it feels like spring - love is in the air! Friends I've known for a couple of years of singlehood are pairing off and becoming un-singled. This is much different from the group where I lived before. The singleness in that group didn't change much, the outlook was less hopeful, there wasn't much movement toward new commitments. Granted that there weren't enough options in that town, but that's one of the reasons I had to leave. I feel like I am part of something positive and progressive and I feel the love. Yippee!!

Big Step -- (mom)

Hubby's home away from home

Wow.

That about sums it up. Eight days from now, I am getting married.

Never ever ever did I imagine it would be like this. 1) I didn't think I would ever be this happy with someone, or feel this lucky, or have this much hope for the future. 2) I didn't think my little sister would not be at my wedding, but she isn't well enough to make a cross-country trip. 3) I didn't think I would marry a man with lots of kids, but there they are, and I don't mind it as much as I should. 4) I didn't think I would feel such a strong willingness to commit myself to something outside of myself. It won't be easy or instantaneous, but I am there. 5) I didn't think I would be spending the month leading up to the wedding putting in extra hours at work to meet a deadline, afraid that saying the wrong thing might get me fired. 6) I didn't think a relationship could take the stress of him being out of town for 4 days at a time so he can earn enough to support those kids. But here I am. And we're really doing this. And I'm still excited about it. Hee hee.

One of the weirdest things for me is the name change. For years and years I knew that I would keep my name if I got married, or hyphenate if I had to. This was just the way it was. This was who I was. And now, suddenly, it isn't a big deal. I don't need to hang onto it. I want to be a part of this new thing, this marriage, and I'm okay with the new last name. Searching for any doubts, down to my core, I find nothing. Just... adventure - go for it! Try this new name thing. I'm astounded by this change that snuck up on me.

Why I Like People Today:
Because they make up games like Ghosting and put them on Jay Leno and I get to laugh at work when someone starts playing the clip. Because despite the pressure that management wants to put on us, a group of smart and creative people will find ways to have fun and push back.

By the way, I am still using this dinosaur of a laptop. With a little help from an IT friend, it is a brand new kind of old friend. The kind with no Internet browser history.