Embracing The Lack?

Why I like people today:
Oh, why not? Yeah, everybody has issues, and they get themselves all tied up in knots about things that don't matter every once in a while. And sometimes they go nuts and get obsessed and forget that other people have lives to live, too. But so what? Most of them mean well. Most of us try hard, even if we're a bit confused about what it is we're trying to acheive. We do much better when we know what we want. Do you know what you want?

What I want
So I was doing the self-knowledge thing again, and not peeking at my old answers. I found myself thinking about what my goal in life is, and how much it has changed in the last couple of years. In the last year, mostly. I think my focus has gone from seeking some kind of security, something safe and reliable and protected, to something with a bit more risk and freedom. I'm letting go of the very deep desire to have the life I was brought up to live, and I'm finding new ways to experience life, to embrace the lack of husband kids career soccer school plays vacations birthday parties unconditional love...

Okay, so I'm not completely letting go, just trying to acccept that this is not my life. And the thing is, I'm not really all that unhappy the way I am. The last couple of months have been quite thrilling, and even with the rough spots I wouldn't trade them. My sister and my brother have that other stuff. I have this. I have a future that I can make up in any way I want to. Nothing planned. Nothing determined. How scary is that? But how exciting!


Scanned in some old photos the other day - stuff from around '85 or '86. So here's a Spring photo to celebrate the season, and all the tulips and dandelions that come with it.

I've started to actually apply at places where I really want to work. How fun to go to an interview and be able to just be excited about working again. If I don't get it, there's always the local ice cream parlor...